Perspective
“Must be nice. . .”
“Comparison is the thief of joy.”
…she uttered and I felt as though I could have echoed her sentiments as I continued to share. I divulged of how I could spend some weekends staying up a little bit later without worrying about my human alarm clock’s 6am Saturday wake up. I went on to tell of my standing self-care appointments where I could devote entire days or weekends to me. Instead of structuring days around meal times and nap times, I could schedule the full body massage I had long neglected. Instead of worrying about securing childcare before scheduling my nail appointment, I could simply struggle with the decision of beating the crowds to the salon or sleeping in late and leisurely strolling in at my discretion. Instead of praying to God that my very active toddler did not leap off of my lap while the stylist carefully parted the third row of my hair, I could cradle my favorite book. The guilt I once felt for asking someone to watch my child had completely vanished as there were/are now dates built into our schedule where I don’t have to worry about any of that.
My ramblings took me so far off into that very enjoyable dream land that I did not realize how wide her eyes had gotten. Levitating back to the space where we chatted, I took a moment to also consider “how nice“ her situation must be. There isn’t a day that goes by that she has to part with her children. While the demands of that can weigh heavy, there is also a comfort and privilege that comes with that. It must be nice to call her children when they are not in her pressence just to check in. It must be nice to have family dinners and outings. I imagine how nice it must be to have the option of making collective decisions about the children. There are so many other “must be nice“ parts of her reality that I could imagine.
It’s just interesting to have contrasting experiences. My journey started with me living as a “family” and operating as one of two parents within a dual parent household. Nineteen months in, my current reality is navigating life as a single parent. . . the very thing that I said I could never see me doing. In that, I am constantly learning to adjust to the new way of communicating and consulting with my child’s father. I’m learning and unlearning a whole host of things in real time. There are advantages to co-parenting but here is a message to those looking in on the outside: I can plainly attest to the fact that there are a lot more disadvantages. It is hard being away from my baby and not feeling comfortable enough to ask to speak to him or for a picture of him to be shared when he isn’t in my care. It is great to be able to have a full well deserved day away from him, yet, when I turn the key of my door at the end of the day, he is not home to greet me. Wearing the supermom cape at home and knocking out tasks is very empowering, yet, it is still challenging to know that I do not have a buffer in the home. There is no one here for me to pass the baby off on when I need finish up one small task and he is whining for my attention. So while, yes, “it must be nice,“ each experience contains within it advantages and disadvantages. The ultimate lesson to be gleaned is the importance of making the most of whatever your reality is. Life is what you make it. Right?
