Mommy Self-Care
“I hope you got some time in for you Dacia.”
“Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others.”
This voice of a friend, rings in my mind whenever I consciously make the decision to selfishly do something for me in the absence of my child. I admit, I used to think that she was marrying the new me with the old me and I couldn’t understand how I could possibly find time for me. That is, until I actually started to take the time.
I remember that first time that I revved up my engine with minimal time for it to actually warm up and I zoomed through the side streets to locate my spot around the corner from daycare, one whole hour before dismissal began. A sigh of relief was released from my lips as I pressed into the red button releasing the tension of my seat belt. I reached over and felt through the loose papers all the way down to the bottom of my work bag where my book rested. As I began to turn the pages and allow my eyes and mind to work simultaneously, I could not help but to think about how happy I was. I had so many things on my to-do list; so many things awaiting me as soon as I crossed the threshold of my home, but there I was reading a book in peace.
I knew that was one moment of self-care that should be included in my non-negotiables. I allow the others to unfold as I continue to navigate life around Nas’ schedule. While it only took me nine months, I doubled back to my old spot … the one where Eric (who never remembers me) sits up front and tries to push me off onto one the other ladies who has to consult with him any time I make a request. It’s the same spot that I always survey upon entry and throughout my visit and wonder “why do I keep coming here?” My memory is always quickly refreshed when I compare the final product to the identical image that I shared with Eric from pinterest. In spite of me walking out feeling like I should have patronized a Black owned business every time, peace punctures my soul as I hurry back to my car. I know this woman. She used to ALWAYS maintain her manicures. I make a vow to never loose that or her again.
The same feeling ensues after I take a look at myself in the mirror right as the last braid is being carefully plaited onto my scalp. I smile back at my reflection because, again, I know her. This indescribably “good” feeling trails behind me every single time I make the commitment to do something for me. Anytime I tap into my bible and spend time in stillness communing with God or any time I take a long shower with a new natural soap or anytime I settle onto the couch to watch something on tv while sipping a fancy drink that has been paired with a home-cooked meal made with love straight from “La Cocina de Cadacia,” …I feel FULL. Each time I make space to do any of these things, I feel better about spending time with my son and giving my all to him. I have taken care of me first. I really wish the same for you so before I close out the post I will charge you, just like my dear friends always does: Do something for YOU.
Although all of my self care items could not fit into my story, I did want to leave you with the other ways I self care in list form. Leave a comment below sharing how you self-care.
Automatic “Do Not Disturb” that kicks in on my phone at 7pm like clockwork
I always feel like I have to answer to others. If I don’t answer a call or reply to a text message, I feel bad. Setting a schedule where my phone automatically goes on “Do Not Disturb” at 7pm enabling me to giving all of my focus and attention on winding down my little chocolate drop for bed time. We have uninterrupted bath time, story time time allotted for “Coco” . . .melon, and the indisputable cuddles. (I’m the one is not allowed to dispute.)
Regularly Connecting with friends and family who are good for my soul
I often experience moments where I want to disconnect and not talk to anyone. (I really just LOVE my alone time.) Every time I spend time connecting with my loved ones whether its through text message, telephone conversations or in person meet-ups, my soul really does feel rejuvenated. With the help of God, I have finally crafted a village of people who are better than good for me. Every person’s specific position pours into me in a way that I value GREATLY.
Intermittent Social Media Breaks
Social media detracts more than it pours in for me and I have to regulate that. Right now, my resolve is to log out and return whenever I am ready.
