RIP To My Old Life
Her braids were perfectly plaited…
“Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes.”
. . .and flowed beautifully down her back. There was a glow to her skin radiating from the make-up that only worked to highlight that which was naturally there. As she recounted her day, I couldn’t help but to think about how tired she must have been.
“I transported the throne chair to my photo shoot,” she went on to tell me the details of the prep work required for her 30th birthday photo shoot. She went on to describe the fun she had had playing games at the baby shower just before making it to me for our night out. As we rode along in my car, and I listened to her recount her day, I reflected on who I was about a couple of years prior to this moment.
I saw myself in her. I was that young woman running from here to there; spending money on things I valued; enjoying events and people at my leisure. I was her and she was me. The more entangled I got into my thoughts, the more I questioned whether or not I missed that woman. I allowed my thoughts to wander off and take an internal assessment. “Are there parts of me that wish I were child free so that I could get back to her?”
Well, let me think about that …
My 20something care-free and kid-free self was VERY calculated. My weekdays were inundated with early mornings and late nights. You know? Dashing through the house after the sound of my fourth alarm, juggling a shower, brewing coffee, brushing my teeth, loading up my lunch bag, moisturizing my skin …trying not to force a hole in my stockings as I fought them up my hips, all to make it out of the door between 6:15 and 6:30. Car rides doubled as unplugged “caraoke” sessions that I blessed my snapchat followers with, as I dodged in and out of cars on the Van Wyck expressway to make it to work just at the 7:10/7:15 mark. Although I could almost always guarantee my clock in time, clocking out was never as predictable.
The ticking sound of the clock in my classroom produced anxiety after 2:30pm daily. I felt the day closing in on me, yet the work was never ending. “Are we still on for 6:30pm?” my gym buddy would always check me, knowing my 6:30 really meant 7:15. Each week day gym session ended in a sigh of relief that I had not opted out to go home …and…relax? [Because what actually was relaxation?] The remainder of the day was spent at home preparing for the next dayby: getting snacks ready, laying out my outfit, scrolling instagram, reviewing my lessons for the following day and trying to actually make it to my bed instead of mindlessly passing out on the couch.
Weekends were a different type of mad dash. Friday? Nails because an un-manicured hand was incomprehensible. Saturday and Sunday mornings still consisted of fights with my alarm clock because there was always so much to do! From gym, to grocery shopping, to church, to podcasting (and a possible business meeting). If there were events, I just could not say “no” because I worked hard to enjoy my social life… and I can’t forget meal prep. Who has time to cook during the week? Phew!
Ya’ll tired yet? All in all. I enjoyed that. I had a really good time sprinting through my twenties. I dated. I smashed goals. I developed incredible relationships and severed some. I questioned God and thanked Him for His goodness. Man. Life. Was. Good.
We continued to ride along. I continued to listen to her. In spite of being totally invested in her recap, I still chose to take that moment to mentally make peace with my past. I loved that woman I once was! But even more than that, I love the woman I look at in the mirror who has her lifetime sidekick attached to her hip. The season I was in as a single without child was an enjoyable one that I will ever be grateful for. The season I’m currently in holds many rewards that continue to present themselves to me. So I lay my old life to rest as this one is worth memorializing moment by moment.
