Identity
The year is 2023.
“It’s not only children who grow. Parents do too. As much as we watch to see what our children do with their lives, they are watching us to see what we do with ours. I can’t tell my children to reach for the sun. All I can do is reach for it, myself.”
“Who are you?”
The age old question is asked of me, yet, again. I stare confused about how the facilitator really wants me to answer this question. Like … do you want me to tell you that I am a student, a teacher and an intern trying to elevate within my career?
Or …like do you want the more personal answer that encompasses mommy, deep thinker, daughter of the most high God, writer.
I mean, because that’s really all I’ve got.
This question always meets me in a weird place because I’m typically awaiting the questioner to stop me in a deep and commanding voice, immediately bringing me back to the drawing board and requiring me to consider who Cadacia is beyond her titles. Circa 2017ish, I had finally developed an answer to that question that fully encompassed who I was. The years following that one, however, were heavily ladened with me adorning myself in other people and positions. There has been a solid five years of me hiding behind different titles and not quite owning who I was/ am aside from what I did/do.
So, this question has returned and been asked of me twice this year. The first time it was asked in front of an audience of educators. I felt like I had to show face and describe all of the magnificent things I do at work, neatly packaging them into titles which would communicate to these elite professionals who I am. I rapidly spewed out as many answers as I could in a thirty second time span. Every time I answered, I was asked again, requiring me to search deeper in myself for more. The second time I was asked was more recently, on the eve of my birthday. The setting was one on one and the questioner’s intent was for it to be rhetorical, for this person already knew the rehearsed answers that I had playing on repeat in my mind. “I already know that you’re a good mom, Cadacia. I’m sure your son knows it too.” For the first time in a few years I had to step outside of myself and acknowledge the woman I am and the life experiences that have led to the ongoing evolution of me. As she charged me to start considering who I am, what I like, what ways I can nurture myself aside from patting myself on the back for showing up for my child, the first response I could come up with is “I’m a homebody and I like to be by myself.” She urged me to dig deeper and spend some time solidifying the parts of me that I have tucked away.
Some days removed from that conversation, I’m more aware of how limiting I am in who Cadacia is. I’m actively choosing to shatter the confines of my comfort zone and get to know me all over again. To be honest, this ain’t easy but I’m willing.
Before I fully close this one out, meet me in the comment section of this one and tell me …
Who are you?
Much Love,
Cadacia
