Men Ain’t ______!
“I’m a single mom.”
The guys who fear becoming fathers don’t understand that fathering is not something perfect men do, but something that perfects the men.”
That’s the narrative. Out of her lips, this very married woman uttered those four words to me confidently just four short years ago. She assured me that I’d, too, be a single mom despite my relationship status when it was time to have kids. As time persisted, the narrative remained the same. More new moms who found themselves acting as single moms whether or not their partners were physically present. “I’m the one who wakes up in the middle of the night at the first sign of the baby’s cry. Meanwhile, he rolls over and falls into a deeper slumber.” The evolution of these stories were frightening. I remember staring at the mouths of moms in terror. I reached a point where I there were two types of accounts I protested listening to:
Accounts of horrifying labor
The In-Home DeadBeat Dad Story
These types of stories only heightened my fear of having children in the near future.
I tiptoed into parenthood alongside my partner. Each step was nervously taken, using each foot to hover an eggshell hoping praying that not one cracks! It’s the middle of the night and baby boy stirs in his bassinet. Following that slow stir is a sound. Before the sound graduates to a bellowing cry, his dad jumps to his feet and attempts to soothe him. He assures me that I can relax and just prepare myself to feed. Baby in one hand, boppy in the other he walks over to me with bloodshot eyes. “Are you ok?” He asks before retreating back to sleep.
A foul odor seeps through the two- layer protectant.”Want me to change him?” He questions. I’m wondering how real this is and how long it will last. But it continues. More of waking up in the middle of the night. More of changing smelly diapers. More of sterilizing bottles. More of telling me to go to bed while he takes on the night shift totally. More of asking me if I’m ok. More of being a support…a partner rather. He’s always spoke of “we” and being a dad has allowed him to put that into practice more than ever before. If I ever wondered what a parenting team looked like, he’s helped me to put it into perspective over these past two and a half months. He wears the title of father with as much grace as I wear the tile of mother, making all of the preparation stories told to me grateful for my unique experience.
So, the truth about men is… they ain’t all that bad! They certainly aren’t all the same. Thank God.
