Bawdy

The notion of the “SnapBack” is REAL.

How can you ever say anything negative about your body after you have felt the dancing of life from inside your womb?”

—Amethyst Joy

Step 1: Thumb through 5 takes of the same photo.

Step 2: Carefully eyeball the mid-section in each photo.

Which one really looks snatched?

Step 3: Think of a clever caption.

Whatever. No one really cares about the caption anyway.

Step 4: Click & post, with my eyes semi-closed.

I log out, put my phone face down and try to convince myself, “it’s just Instagram. Who cares about ‘likes’ anyway?” The truth is, I do, especially during such a fragile time. I’m the heaviest I’ve ever been in my entire life. It’s unsettling to know that this increase in weight isn’t due to muscle gain…it’s FAT.

“Oh please! You look good!”

“Fat, where?”

“Some people wish they could have a baby and look that good afterwards.”

While all of those comments are nice and said with a kind spirit, I could care less about what people think. The latter half of my twenties was spent meticulously working on my body. I ate clean, drank green and lifted heavy in the gym. My stomach was tight and the definition in my arms was something I prided myself on. Two months post partum, I’m nowhere near where I used to be and it is tough to deal with.

The next morning, I flip my phone up. FaceTime. My fingers dance around my phone screen until they settle onto the purple and orange hombre camera logo. 100+ likes accompanied by a slew of comments.

“Wait weren’t you just pregnant?”

“Baby where?!” X2

“You look amazing!”

A smirk snuck across my lips. A sense of satisfaction filled me each time I opened up the app throughout the day. More likes and more comments. Everyone had done just what I wanted them to do.

Later on that night, I logged out for good. I only posted because I wanted to feel good about myself. When I faced that fact, I knew I needed to take a step back and do some self work. Phew.