Mom-Me Time
“You deserve it all and more!!” the text message read. It rang in loud enough for me.
“Taking care of myself doesn’t mean ‘me first.’ It means ‘me, too.”
I sprawled out across the sun baked gray leather cushions recounting the night before via YouTube and verbally replaying each moment to the voice on the other end of the phone “You deserve that.”
This was the second affirmation within an hour’s time frame. I started to actually believe it the second time around.
You see, typically, I’d feel guilty for something like this. I can’t even believe her… me.
It was a typical Tuesday, aside from the fact that I ditched the routine of racing out of the door after clocking out to get with my son, wherever he may have been at the moment. No, this Tuesday afternoon, I rushed out to allot just ten minutes to swap out my work attire for something more fitting for the occasion. My oversized tote bag was swapped for a miniature “shopper” and I quickly refreshed my face with a lip color pop, compliments of Ms. Woo. A couple seconds after my deadline, I was out of the door and riding into the city to the next available Amtrak that would lead me to my final destination. After several moments of deeply wondering about what my baby was doing, thanking my lifeline for caring for him, allowing my eyeballs to catch several glimpses of my eyelids and a few youtube videos, we had arrived. I could not believe it. Me? Super-responsible; overly protective; extremely consumed with the role of mother . . . here. Now? …Miles away from my son just to savor moments of being entertained by my forever celebrity crush. The more I considered what I was doing in the moment and even in the current moment of reflection, I could not and still cannot believe I had it in me to do something like this. As I settled into my seat and sang along to the songs the DJ played, I continued to relish in disbelief. I also could not help but to reflect on the twenty something year old woman who often attended events and only ever considered the effects it would have on the work day ahead. This, kind of, used to be my life and I loved this! The lights flashed, my man (in my head) made his appearance and as time went on I began to forget about how nerve wracking of an experience this was for me. The nervousness dissolved and contentment surfaced as I allowed myself to fully immerse.
I’d be a liar if I did not say that the ride home was brutal as I reflected on how much fun I had had while simultaneously thinking about making it back in time to awake my boy and prepare myself to get back to work on time … not to mention the fact that this was a horrible way to get rest. Once I was showered, refreshed and was back in his presence, my heart was instantly warmed when he awoke, unprovoked and the largest smile plastered across his face as he peeked through one eye to recognize the shadow of my frame curled up on the couch just behind the mattress where he had been deeply sleeping moments before. He leaped off of the bed to give me the biggest hug and cuddle against my body before we officially began our day.
So, in closing, maybe they were right. Maybe, I do deserve this and maybe my son will be ok without me. I am guilty of getting so consumed with not missing a beat as it relates to him that I forget it is actually ok to ask someone (trustworthy) to watch him and it is also ok to replenish me in the process. As I continue to grow and learn along the journey, I will surely be more intentional about memorializing the parts of me I thoroughly enjoyed before motherhood while continuing to cultivate the new person I’m becoming and always being cognizant of showing up as the best mother I know how to be!
