Running On E
5 am
“You are doing an amazing job at this mom thing, even on the days you feel like you’re not. Keep going.”
Alarm sounds… for the first time.
There are about five more warnings before I’m up and stumbling about at 5:57…beating up on myself for not getting up sooner, for not spending time with God like I promised the night before.
4:45 am
Alarm sounds… for the first time. It’s just a warning, so I’ll hit snooze and be ready in fifteen minutes.
5 am
Alarm sounds… for the second time. Honestly, another fifteen wouldn’t be so bad.
I lose track of the other clanging sounds of the alarm as my arm reaches far to the very edge of my nightstand to slap it countless times. I ask God for his grace as I stumble about at 5:57…beating up on myself for not getting up sooner. While I know He is gracious, I have a hard time forgiving me because just as quickly as I stumble about the house is just as quickly as my day gets started and I have no time to do anything but utter a simple sorry “thank you Lord.”
…And so it begins.
I trail off to the kitchen to press start on the air fryer and unload the fridge of all of the day’s necessities. Just before scrambling off to shower, I pop in poppa’s favorite muffins to be reheated. As I turn the knob all the way down and the shower steam dissipates, a little voice emerges from the room next to me. “Mommy?! Mommmyyyy come find me!” I take a deep breath as I shout “I can’t right now!” I flash a quick glance at the illuminated clock in my room which reads 6:45 at this point. As it does every day, my heart beats faster and I question “why do I do this to myself every. single. day?” Frustration looms as I peruse my closet for something quick to wear while moisturizing my skin.
“Mommmmyyyyyy!!”
“Yes, poppa?”
“Come find me!!”
“Give me a minute please.” I try not to lose my cool as I know the lunch bags are still waiting to be packed, I have to find the two minutes to quickly play with him before getting him dressed, the car needs to be warmed, I can’t remember if I have pre-prepped the coffee machine and, now about thirty minutes remain before we have to bolt out of the door.
The routine continues to ensue and as quickly as I try to move, I am defeated, yet again in the race against time. I try to calm myself as we fall into our routine morning prayer. I feel like I’ve missed the mark… AGAIN …in being the picture perfect mom. As the rampant thoughts race through my mind, I quickly snap back to reality in realizing we have made it safely to his school and I have no recollection of the journey. “Ready to rock?” I ask as I look over my shoulder. “Ready to roll!” He responds as he positions his sunglasses perfectly onto his round face and simultaneously tries to gather the toys he takes for comfort. I make my way to his side of the car, open the door, place the small toys in his book bag and plaster a kiss on his cheek. “I love you. Have the best day ever.” I get his typical response “thank you mommy” as he confidently walks up the stairs and through the double doors to start another day of pre-k. I hop into the car and dash off to work with just 7 minutes to arrive, find a parking spot and race to the time clock just seconds before my start time. I give God thanks again, just before beginning my day.
