Single Mom
Over these past two years, I’ve seen and heard of an overflow of “pity parties. . .”
“I’m not really single. I mean, I am, but I have a son. Being a single mother is different from being a single woman. ”
. . .for single moms. I see moms on the gram coin themselves as single moms and relish in that or, worse, bash the fathers who made them that. This is a conversation I never hesitate to entertain. It might be because I have had to sit with the title and wrap my mind around what a single mother is and what she is not.
So, let’s talk! By my standards, a single mother is a woman who is truly doing the work all alone. The father is not present physically, emotionally or financially, or he makes guest appearances at his leisure. Plainly put, he does nothing; the bare minimum equally counts as nothing. The single mother is one who does it all for her child(ren).
On the contrary, there are single women who happen to be moms. These women are blessed enough to be supported in some capacity by the child’s father. It could be one or both of the primary categories of support: showing up to spend time with their child(ren); footing some of the bill to support the child(ren). Blessed is the woman who has both!
I really don’t think there is enough conversation being had about the latter woman. People are quick to throw the label “single mom” around whilst building a narrative about a woman whose story they don’t know. As for me, I’ve come to be content with my title as single woman who happens to be a mom. The greatest benefit in this for me has been my whole child. He is fortunate to have experiences with mommy and daddy individually plus both sides of his family, in spite of his parents not being together. He will grow up knowing and boasting of the love he experiences with either side.
Ultimately, I’d think twice about making the mistake of calling myself a single mother. I can’t relate with that narrative and would hate to detract from another woman’s daily lived experience. If you are a single mom reading this, know that my prayers are with you for your strength. Moms carry a heavy load and the single mother’s load is the heftiest. It takes an incredible amount of strength to parent all by yourself and I truly honor that.
