What Insecure Could Teach YOU About Postpartum
No words have ever rang truer.
“Your emotions will be all over the place.”
I think about these words often. I remember feeling like I would have a handle on it and would, ultimately, prove that nurse wrong. Watching that last episode of Insecure, however, brought those words back to my remembrance and gave me comfort in knowing that in order for this to have even been considered as part of the script, it’s a VERY REAL and common experience.
Insecure is my favorite show on tv. It’s the only show that I’ve been able to consistently watch over these last four years. The show is real, raw and relatable for many Black millennials. The themes woven into the fabric of this program are common to us as we navigate life. Episode 10 of Season 4 slapped me in the face as it tackled feelings around unplanned pregnancy and postpartum depression. The quest for Tiffany during this episode had me in my feelings, to say the least, and validated my own postpartum feelings that I try to work through. I thought it’d be fitting for me to compose a blog post giving some insight on what the postpartum period may look like and what people on the outside can do to support moms throughout that postpartum period.
Please Note: Postpartum depression or the feelings during the postpartum period and how they manifest themselves look different for every mom. I’m sure not to label it “depression” for everyone because that may not be the case but there is certainly something there. Like most things in life, it isn’t a one size fits all prescription so don’t look for one factor indicative of a woman going through it. In my studies, personal experience and discussions with other moms I’ve learned that it can look like detachment from the baby, detachment from the partner, irrational decisions and behaviors, sadness, anger, lack of motivation. It can even look like nothing at all outwardly, meanwhile internally the mom is battling. We never saw Tiffany verbally express being sad or not wanting her baby, however, her behaviors during the episodes leading up to that last one could have easily been indicative of her feelings.
Take notice of the changes. Be sure to take a moment to compare the woman who has emerged as a result of becoming a new mom to who they were pre-baby. Are there subtle or blaring differences? Are they displaying behaviors and/or attitudes that are unrecognizable to you? Have they said things that raise red flags? Some behaviors displayed by Tiffany throughout this season was her talking about not liking her child. That is a major reason for concern as we do not know how that could manifest itself in action. Additionally, at the block party, when faced with the decision of either going home or staying and hanging out with friends, she chose the latter. I don’t know about you, but the new moms that I know would never choose to socialize over tending to the needs of their children. Prior to having a baby, I wouldn’t have envisioned Tiffany spending as much time at an event such as that block party. This could be a stretch but that doesn’t seem like her scene to me. This may have just been the pre-escape she needed.
Check in. A simple “how are you?” can go a long way, especially if asked with the intent of truly understanding how that person is. I imagine if one of her friends may have asked before the search, someone would’ve gotten a real answer. I also think about those friends and that family member who often ask me about me and they really want to know. It’s not just a formality. Bringing a child into the world is extremely exciting for everyone around us and while it’s nice to ask “how’s the baby?,” moms want and need to be checked on too.
Extend grace to that woman. Again, I beg of you, reflect on who the woman was to you before releasing life from her body. Was she kind? Was she someone you enjoyed being around? Encapsulate that woman as you learn to, not deal with but grow through this experience with that woman. I LOVE the fact that no one caught an attitude with Tiffany or faulted her for doing what she did. Instead, she was met with grace and understanding. Her tribe rallied around her and committed to doing their parts in supporting her during this time.
There is certainly a lot more that can be said about postpartum but a universal tip I’d give is support. Ask yourself how you could be of support during such a fragile time. If you draw blanks, simply ask. From a personal front, there is this sense of relief to know that you’re supported through this journey.
